The Catalyst

This is an article I was asked to write a while ago. I would like to dedicate it to my dear friend; you know who you are ;)
Let’s say you’ve never had a boyfriend in your life or you are single...and it’s been a long while. You can’t seem to get a man because of reasons known to you. When people nag you about getting a man, you blame your workload when the truth is that this whole time, you’ve actually been waiting for the right moment. Then of course you start to worry because you wonder whether the day will come; that day where that warm fuzzy feeling you get watching a romantic movie, becomes your warm fuzzy feeling. If ever, that guy that you like will actually ask you out one day.

If a guy wants to make it happen, he will make it happen (He’s just not that into you, 2009). Will he ever make it happen or should you start picking names for your 12 cats when you’re older? But what if there was a way to catalyse your situation a bit? Well, here are some helpful tips to help solve your problem.

1. You catch your candidate looking at you for instance. It may be innocent because maybe you have something on your face e.g. a huge zit or mole, something on your teeth; it could be anything. But then again, maybe he is absolutely stricken by your beauty and he just can’t help but stare. 
2. Go home and give him a pseudonym if you’ve never seen before. Always be creative when giving names because you might like this guy if you already don’t. You don’t want to date a guy you nicknamed “frog” or “Bambi” (because he has incredibly large ears for example).
3. Start snooping around for his real name because you are going to need it even though he has a pseudo name. Ask random people his name. You could use simple excuses like, “What’s that guy’s name again? He borrowed me his pen yesterday and I want to return it.” or “I think I saw him working at a local supermarket, what’s his name again?” You know, you’ll think of something fitting for the situation.
4. Great, you have his name. Now it’s time to let the World Wide Web do the job it was meant to. Google him, search him on twitter, facebook. Find out his age, his birthday, where he went to school, what makes him tick, if he is seeing anyone. You know, just so you know if he is his right for you. If you are not impressed then back up and go back to number one with a different guy.
5. Now that you have done a thorough research on your candidate, and you have your references, it’s time for step number five. This is the part where you check if he still stares. When you catch him walking or sitting alone, walk past him at most three times, each time, making sure you do something different to get yourself across. You can play with your hair, pretend you’re on the phone with a friend (but make sure it’s on silent in case it rings in your ear, then you’ll look like an idiot), drop a pen or pencil and pick it up, whatever you may think of. Remember: avoid eye contact, pretend you don’t notice him. If you should look at him, always make sure he does not catch you.  Also, don’t exceed the number of times you pass by as it may freak him out.
6. Great, now that you have the basics, and you have a foundation, the rest is in your hands. If you really like him, grab the courage to ask him out (we can do that these days, you know). And never lose hope, that day will come soon. If your candidate never asks you out, or has no interest then move on. You made it this far without a man, a few more months or years will not kill you.

NB: You are not a stalker, you are just taking precautions and moving things along! Stalking is a serious offense that is looked down upon. This catalyst is recommended for anyone in need.